Month #2 · February

February is where everything became real. I’d been shooting and processing film (10 rolls!) all through January. It was now time to print. Did I still have the same ‘eye’ I had when I was 18? I’d also signed a lease for art studio space and had moved in. It was time to make art. I felt like an imposter. I had been a month or more since I worked on any of my apps.

3 Things I Learned:

1. Something I loved when I was 18 is still something I love at 54. When I was 18, all I wanted to do was take photographs. My dream was to be photojournalist. But my desire to please my parents was stronger. I went to college and studied computer science. I worked at one of the first dot coms back in 1996. Decades passed with me sitting in front of a computer. But life isn’t linear I realize. Because 35 years later here I am, back in the darkroom.
2. Making bad art won’t kill me. I signed up for an online class called Liquid Lumins. It involved exposing expired photo paper to light with various transparent-ish items on top, such as plants. I was terrible. My very first lumin was the best and it was all downhill from there. When it came time for me to present my work, no one seems to know what to say. It was that bad.
3. I can do scary things. If there’s potential for a good photo, that is. This LA Noir class had stressed me more than anything in a really long time. Each week we were supposed to shoot 2–4 rolls of film in ‘low light’ situations. The class was expensive and I was also investing A LOT of time and effort driving into LA every week. I decided I needed to make it worth it, so I forced myself to go out and shoot at night a few nights a week and sometimes at day light. I’m a giant scaredy cat and was NOT comfortable walking around in the dark of night taking photos. But in the end, the photos I ended up taking blew me away.

2 Risks I took:

1. Walked into a room full of mingling artists, instead of going home.
2. Bought everything i needed to develop my own film (Tanks, reels and chemicals).

1 Moment I’ll Remember:

1. Taking my first LA Noir print out of the darkroom and into the light of day. It was of a liquor store with streetlights. It was dark, moody and grainy. I loved it.

February was about showing up, no matter how painful. Showing up to the class where I repeatedly made bad art. Showing up to a new studio full of blank walls. Showing up to a creative mixer alone while feeling like a class A imposter.